| Most people have thought about going away on | | | | administration tasks. It's great to all get involved in |
| vacation with their friends, at some point. You get on | | | | the overall decision making, but one person should |
| really well; you've been to a few BBQs at their house | | | | have the task of collating all the information. |
| and out to a restaurant a couple of times. Perhaps | | | | Allocate cooking days to each family. We go on |
| you've stayed up late playing cards enjoying their | | | | vacation with friends each year and it's a very |
| company. Your children are always around at their | | | | relaxing time. My friend, Mary, is a great organizer |
| house, and vice versa, and you've been car pooling | | | | and she arrives with her meals all planned, while my |
| with them for years. So, you're sitting around after a | | | | cooking days are more 'last minute' events. But the |
| good meal, talking about vacations when someone | | | | rule is that we don't interfere with each others |
| suggests you should rent a vacation home together. | | | | methods, or preparations. While Mary cooks and |
| That way you'll get a bigger property and pay less | | | | organizes, I'm out sunbathing; while I'm creating |
| because you'll be splitting the costs. Everyone gets | | | | mayhem in the kitchen, she's off on a canoe |
| excited about the idea and you enthusiastically plan | | | | expedition. |
| where you should go and when. | | | | Talk about expectations and cover all bases. If your |
| Yes, we've all been there at some point, although | | | | idea of a relaxing vacation is not being bothered |
| some are more sensible than others and don't get | | | | about anything, and that includes cleaning up after |
| carried away with the idea. Those who've | | | | the children, or washing the dishes before bed, and |
| experienced the practicalities of sharing | | | | your friends are clean freaks, there's a good basis for |
| accommodation with friends will tell you that it rarely | | | | early argument. I am a very early riser, and am often |
| matches the initial anticipation and its not uncommon | | | | up by 5am for some really quiet time. If I was with |
| for such a vacation to be the end of a burgeoning, | | | | friends whose children were straight into loud TV in |
| or even a long-term friendship. | | | | the early morning, I'd be feeling pretty resentful that |
| The most common cause of resentment and irritation | | | | my space was being invaded. |
| is the different ways we raise our children. Those in | | | | Decide how money will be handled. Work out a daily |
| the laissez faire camp who feel that since they are | | | | budget for general household expenses and multiply |
| on vacation, any rules they may have at home can | | | | that by the days you are away. Take a kitty jar and |
| simply be put on hold while on holiday, will clash with | | | | get each family to put their share into it as soon as |
| the autocratic parents who hold that rules are rules, | | | | you arrive. Decide how you'll manage the alcohol |
| wherever they may be. | | | | budget too, and keep that separate. Don't nitpick |
| My sister recently had her daughter and three | | | | about this - most vacation arguments centre on |
| grandchildren to stay, along with a nephew and his | | | | either children or money. |
| family that included two more small children. Having | | | | Be upfront and honest about your feelings and agree |
| five kids under 6 in the house is challenging enough, | | | | to share any concerns before they turn into |
| but even more so when their parents where fighting | | | | argument. Talking about and criticizing your friends' |
| over bedtime issues. One mom was relaxed about | | | | actions or habits behind their backs soon escalates |
| bedtimes and let her children play and watch TV until | | | | into full scale resentment, so bring any minor |
| late. The other rigidly stuck to home schedules and | | | | irritations out into the open early on. |
| wanted hers to be in bed by 7pm as usual. Seeing | | | | Never let the sun set on your anger. This was my |
| the two moms squaring off was like watching Rosie | | | | mother's motto, and it is a useful one to keep in |
| O'Donnell and Elizabeth Hasselbach in verbal combat. | | | | mind. Make sure that you end each day in harmony, |
| It's important to establish the groundrules before you | | | | and still enjoying each others company. |
| go, so talk about what you are prepared to | | | | Forward planning is the best way of making sure the |
| compromise on, and what you're not. Find out what | | | | friends you started your vacation with are still friends |
| is important to each family and discuss ways of | | | | at the end. You can have as much fun in the planning |
| respecting your differences. And, don't leave it till you | | | | stage of your vacation as you have while you are |
| arrive to decide who gets the bedroom with the | | | | there, so spend the time wisely really getting to |
| queen size bed. Here's a few points to help: | | | | know the people you'll be living with for a week or |
| Appoint a 'vacation planner'. If you are sharing the | | | | two. Who knows - it could make for a lifetime of |
| planning, decide who will be the party leader, the one | | | | multi-family vacations. |
| who does the booking and gets on with the | | | | |